Thanks for writing this, it clarifies a lot, and I truely agree that the deeply personal connection to music, especially through incredible mentors like Irena, is what gives it such profound importance in our lives.
I said you were affective. Do you remember? The first time I saw you play at warp. Funny, it’s a criticism on me too. I always assumed to everyone else, if they deserved it, it was high praise.
ALRIGHT! less dark-switch and more light-switch-therefore-random thoughts to follow:
1) You should never assume someone is content just because they think they are (Ok, nevermind, maybe you can't have white without black, dark-switch is still here)
2.1) I have media thoughts, pls speak to me about the fact that you can be 2nd rate on any level, I have recs I need to talk about to someone :(
2.2) Also enjoy the view from the top, lowest of the low, at least you can hear your instrument
2.3) 2.2, wow, I said that, being 2nd rate is complicated isn't it?
3) If you a my WARP hoodie lmk, they didn't order them in my size predictably (?).
4) Sorry but as with your program notes I think it's far from a masterpiece, but given the fact that you're a musician I think you know it best
5) I know it's a common sentiment for musicians to be repulsed by the prospect of dating non-musicians. I never quite got it. And it was strange… I saw a normal show the same amount of distain for another group as Ex Umbra (aka: we) did for the normals. This would be one of two times in my life where I resonated with a collection of normals. Hmm, now I think about it both times the group were musicians. Funny.
More often nowadays it's making sense. Your essay's made it clear to me, I don't think I can be fully compatible without someone with any exposure to classical music, classical lit, classical art or anything else that trains that tacit communication, fully exposures yourself unlike anything else. Huh, weird coming from someone who can't stop spilling words.
6) YOU DID CHAMBER, WHY AM I NOT INSULTED?!?! Then again, I bet you could be responsive.
7) Huh, teachers are weird right. Where do I find one? How come everyone else gets so many without asking when I keep asking and only get turned down.
Final) Don't quit. *I* need you to not quit. Hate yourself, hate everyone, be the lowest of the low everywhere you go, but don't quit. I don't want to die… and let me know if you have any tips on how I can get my left hand to grow a backbone. It's still useless. And *LAAAABBBBSSSS* (f*** the computer scientists) are killing my schedule
-CM: Because I had the "sense" for it which most people don't. I don’t know, at least where I'm from CM was the kind of thing where either it was just a side quest where you were ranked by technique alone OR somewhere where either you had the "sense" for it or you didn't and if you did you kept at it and went on a boatload of camps for it. I did those camps from 10 until when I put mye entire life on hold, sometimes twice a year. Between solo, orchestral and chamber, chamber was probably by best shot. And it's weird thinking someone else, especially someone very different to me personality wise, is treading on my turf. Even worse given that you're a pianist. I was never trusted with a piano trio. I don't know, since I was 8 or so I was interested in chamber music especially when involving other instrument families. The first time I realised chamber might be something I could actually do was watching a quartet with an oboe (which may or may not have kicked off a life-long obsession with them) and thinking about how I could communicate intimately with any other musician. Maybe by some technical barriers, maybe by some favouritism, but I never got picked for a piano work. Very few people did, the only pianists we invited had to be at least proficient at a string instrument (so 8+ at both strings and piano if 13+, younger students really didn't do piano works at all because of the difficulty finding suitable repertoire and lack of students at a high level in both instruments). If I'd ever finished of at those camps and gotten to the highest level, the seniour course, I'd have been able to put in a request for repotoire and I'd have requested Mahler's piano quartet. And the fact I did all that for 7 years only to bail out before the senior course (which is what a lot of people would gun for regardless of how much chamber they'd done or if they even liked chamber because that was seen as the only level that really counted) says a lot about my life.
-WARP, cool, it's still a small though, but it's baggy as hell sooo we'll see.
I felt a decade's worth of emotions reading this one post. They're so many and so varied that I can't put them into words so I won't. A week ago I barely knew you and now you're one of my favorite writers. And people. And Holden too. Thank you for writing about your life on here and letting us be your fans 🥹🫶
Beautiful beautiful beautiful ❤️
Your words are like music
thank you!!!!
Thanks for writing this, it clarifies a lot, and I truely agree that the deeply personal connection to music, especially through incredible mentors like Irena, is what gives it such profound importance in our lives.
thank you for your kind words!
I said you were affective. Do you remember? The first time I saw you play at warp. Funny, it’s a criticism on me too. I always assumed to everyone else, if they deserved it, it was high praise.
ALRIGHT! less dark-switch and more light-switch-therefore-random thoughts to follow:
1) You should never assume someone is content just because they think they are (Ok, nevermind, maybe you can't have white without black, dark-switch is still here)
2.1) I have media thoughts, pls speak to me about the fact that you can be 2nd rate on any level, I have recs I need to talk about to someone :(
2.2) Also enjoy the view from the top, lowest of the low, at least you can hear your instrument
2.3) 2.2, wow, I said that, being 2nd rate is complicated isn't it?
3) If you a my WARP hoodie lmk, they didn't order them in my size predictably (?).
4) Sorry but as with your program notes I think it's far from a masterpiece, but given the fact that you're a musician I think you know it best
5) I know it's a common sentiment for musicians to be repulsed by the prospect of dating non-musicians. I never quite got it. And it was strange… I saw a normal show the same amount of distain for another group as Ex Umbra (aka: we) did for the normals. This would be one of two times in my life where I resonated with a collection of normals. Hmm, now I think about it both times the group were musicians. Funny.
More often nowadays it's making sense. Your essay's made it clear to me, I don't think I can be fully compatible without someone with any exposure to classical music, classical lit, classical art or anything else that trains that tacit communication, fully exposures yourself unlike anything else. Huh, weird coming from someone who can't stop spilling words.
6) YOU DID CHAMBER, WHY AM I NOT INSULTED?!?! Then again, I bet you could be responsive.
7) Huh, teachers are weird right. Where do I find one? How come everyone else gets so many without asking when I keep asking and only get turned down.
Final) Don't quit. *I* need you to not quit. Hate yourself, hate everyone, be the lowest of the low everywhere you go, but don't quit. I don't want to die… and let me know if you have any tips on how I can get my left hand to grow a backbone. It's still useless. And *LAAAABBBBSSSS* (f*** the computer scientists) are killing my schedule
and good luck with your labs!!! you got this
i will not quit : )
why would you be insulted that i did chamber music?!
if i ever head overseas i'll take you up on the warp hoodie offer
we'll talk about 2nd-rate ness soon
-Quit, cool, then I'll try.
-CM: Because I had the "sense" for it which most people don't. I don’t know, at least where I'm from CM was the kind of thing where either it was just a side quest where you were ranked by technique alone OR somewhere where either you had the "sense" for it or you didn't and if you did you kept at it and went on a boatload of camps for it. I did those camps from 10 until when I put mye entire life on hold, sometimes twice a year. Between solo, orchestral and chamber, chamber was probably by best shot. And it's weird thinking someone else, especially someone very different to me personality wise, is treading on my turf. Even worse given that you're a pianist. I was never trusted with a piano trio. I don't know, since I was 8 or so I was interested in chamber music especially when involving other instrument families. The first time I realised chamber might be something I could actually do was watching a quartet with an oboe (which may or may not have kicked off a life-long obsession with them) and thinking about how I could communicate intimately with any other musician. Maybe by some technical barriers, maybe by some favouritism, but I never got picked for a piano work. Very few people did, the only pianists we invited had to be at least proficient at a string instrument (so 8+ at both strings and piano if 13+, younger students really didn't do piano works at all because of the difficulty finding suitable repertoire and lack of students at a high level in both instruments). If I'd ever finished of at those camps and gotten to the highest level, the seniour course, I'd have been able to put in a request for repotoire and I'd have requested Mahler's piano quartet. And the fact I did all that for 7 years only to bail out before the senior course (which is what a lot of people would gun for regardless of how much chamber they'd done or if they even liked chamber because that was seen as the only level that really counted) says a lot about my life.
-WARP, cool, it's still a small though, but it's baggy as hell sooo we'll see.
- 2nd, o_0
I felt a decade's worth of emotions reading this one post. They're so many and so varied that I can't put them into words so I won't. A week ago I barely knew you and now you're one of my favorite writers. And people. And Holden too. Thank you for writing about your life on here and letting us be your fans 🥹🫶
thank you, that means a lot to me < 3
This post possesses a value that feels genuinely irreplaceable. You've created it.
thank you <3
keep going
i will until the day i die
I’m in tears, need to start a holden fan club 🥹
I’m a founding member :)
wow
!
hooray, it is out!
IT IS OUTTTTTTTTT
we makin it out the hood with this one
bruh
GOOD JOB
THANKS IVE BEEN TRYING REALLY HARD SOB
goat
no u!!!
This piece made me cry a little. I wish I had read your writing before I met Holden. Perhaps all the better for him that I hadn't.
i am glad i could make you feel something : )
masterpiece
thank you < 3
thank you!